


Truth Be Told

by Reinamy



Series: Rivamika Prompt Fills [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angsty Schmoop, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Middle School, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 14:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinamy/pseuds/Reinamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being reckless has its consequences. Mikasa learns this the hard way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth Be Told

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the anon who left me the [middle school!AU prompt](http://reinamycloud.tumblr.com/post/148516503778/rivamika-prompt-modern-middle-school-au-mikasa). Thanks for the adorable prompt, Anon, even though it resulted in this monster (OTL). 
> 
> Um, I'm apparently incapable of writing children properly so brace yourselves for what I expect might be unrealistically mature kids. I tried, ya'll.
> 
> FYI, the gang is in 6th grade (and therefore in the 11-12 age range). Happy reading~

 

What plagued Mikasa's conscience afterward was just how _easy_ it was. With the memory of Levi making Eren cry photo-sharp in her mind, Mikasa hadn't hesitated to stick her leg out as he was passing and send him crashing to the ground.

She'd expected him to get angry and pick a fight with her.

What she hadn't expected was for him to fall down and _stay down_ , hands clutching his ankle as actual tears slid from his eyes. It was the sight of them, and their utter _wrongness_ , that made her turn on her heel and flee. She slipped into the crowd of her gawking peers and bolted for the mercifully empty jungle gym, thoughts spinning.

In all the years she'd known him, she'd never once seen Levi cry. Not in first grade when Sasha ate half his lunchbox during recess, nor in second grade when he fell out of the highest tree in the playground and twisted his wrist, or even in third when the baby pigeon he'd rescued from a feral cat died in his hands. Mikasa couldn't imagine the level of pain he must have been in to _actually_ _shed tears_ , and the knowledge that _she_ was the one to cause it made something sour stir in her stomach, work its way up her throat.

She swallowed, and with her back pressed against a spire of the gym, slid down until her bottom hit the ground and the needle-points of the grass poked into her legs.

A part of Mikasa wanted to go back, come clean to the teacher, and apologize to Levi properly—because she hadn't _meant_ to hurt him, only humiliate him like he'd done to Eren—but her trembling legs refused to so much as budge. Instead, she brought them up and hugged them to her chest, hating herself for being such a coward.

 

* * *

 

"What the heck happened to _you_?" Connie asked when she stepped into the classroom the next morning. She leveled him with a glare that sent him shuffling to the other side of the room, and with an irritated huff, dropped into her assigned seat.

Mikasa was aware of how awful she looked. A night of tossing and turning in bed, dozing one moment and jerking awake the next, had made itself known in the shadows under her eyes, the wan pallor of her skin, the sag in her ordinarily straight shoulders. She stifled a yawn against the back of her hand and blinked blearily up at Armin when he slid into the desk adjacent to hers and greeted her, too absorbed in his book to look up.

She'd barely closed her eyes for a second when the door banged open and a familiar voice met her tired ears, making her feel like she'd been doused in ice water. Despite herself, she turned to look.

What she saw made her insides grow impossibly cold.

Levi hobbled into the room, two metal crutches tucked under his arms. His left knee was bent, and around the foot that hovered above the floor was a white-and-green brace that Mikasa found she couldn't look away from. _At least it's not a cast_ , she tried to reassure herself, but the words felt hollow and did nothing to ease her rising nausea.

She'd done that. Perhaps her intentions hadn't been so malicious, but she had still set out to hurt Levi and this was the result. Mikasa had never felt so guilty about anything in her life, and as she watched Levi's unsteady trek from his cubby to his desk, the desire to confess and apologize renewed itself inside her. As far as she was aware, Levi didn't even know he'd been tripped. She'd overheard the teacher explaining to the school nurse that it had been another case of undone shoelaces, and the relief she'd felt in that moment had given way to a shame she could feel churning inside her even now.

"Okay kids, quiet down," their homeroom teacher, Mr. Hannes, said by way of introduction as he sauntered into the classroom. At once the room was a flurry of noise and activity as her classmates cut short their conversations and rushed into their seats.

Eren—who'd gone to use the restroom—came skidding in a moment later, face flushed as if he'd been running and hands still wet. After earnestly apologizing for his tardiness, he made a beeline for the seat in front of Mikasa.

"You forgot this," he said, setting her lunch bag on her table. "By the way, were you able to answer the last four questions on the math handout?"

Eren beamed at her when she handed him her completed sheet, but the butterflies that would usually erupt in her stomach at being on the opposite end of such a grin barely roused, as if they couldn't be bothered to put forth the effort. She smiled, and hoped it didn't look as plastic as it felt.

Mikasa let it fade once Eren's back was turned. She stood when her name was called during rollcall, then slumped back into her seat, arms folded on the desk as she tuned the teacher out.

It was an accident that her gaze caught on Levi's when she was glancing away from the wall-clock, and she hastily ducked her head, using the curtain of her hair to hide behind like the coward she was.

Stomach in her throat, Mikasa thought the day couldn't end fast enough.

 

* * *

 

The bell for first period sounded, cutting Mr. Hannes off mid-word.

"Alright you lot, we'll finish finalizing plans for the dance at the end of the day. Get a move on before you're late."

The class scrambled to comply. Mikasa took her time gathering her belongings, knowing that it would take Eren a moment to organize the chaos on his desk and not feeling particularly inclined to rush him. From the corner of her eye she saw Armin doing the same. She turned to share a commiserating look with him, but was distracted by the sight of Levi struggling to stand.

"Do you need help, Levi?" She heard Isabel ask.

Unsurprisingly, Levi waved her offer away. "I'm fine. You should get going, though. Shadis won't hesitate to leave you behind if you're late."

"I know, I know, but I hate leaving you like this. You just had to injure yourself when none of us would be around to help, didn't you? At least let me carry your bag to the next class."

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own bag," he insisted, slinging said bag over his shoulder and tucking his crutches under his arms. "I'll be _fine_. Just go."

"If you're sure." She returned Levi's glare with a roll of her eyes, snatched up her bag, and with visible reluctance walked away.

Mikasa could hear Levi's sigh all the way across the room.

She watched as he took a tentative step forward and grimaced, hands clenched tightly over the handgrips, knuckles white. He looked like he was in pain, but it wasn't until the tip of one crutch caught on the leg of a chair and he stumbled that Mikasa found herself moving. She felt as if she had no control over her body as it weaved through the gaps between desks until the distance between them was barely an arm's length.

"What—" Levi started, but Mikasa ignored him. She seized one of his crutches and yanked at his bookbag until it slid down his arm, then slung it over her vacant shoulder. Grabbed the textbook from his desk and tucked it to her chest, then stepped in front of him and said, "Let's go."

Levi scowled as he reclaimed his crutch. "What the heck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're being a nuisance."

"Just shut up and start walking."

"I don't need your help," he said through gritted teeth.

"You know, you're just short enough that I could probably carry you bridal-style."

That earned her a glower. "Try it and see what happens."

"Think I won't?"

Levi regarded her intently for a long moment. Mikasa felt like she was being scrutinized for something, but didn't know what.

To her surprise, he relented.

"Whatever," Levi said, moving around her to walk ahead.

Mikasa blinked slowly, then followed after him.

"Mikasa? What are you doing?" Eren asked when they reached the doorway. He and Armin were staring between her and Levi incredulously. No question as to why—the two of them weren't anything approaching friends, and neither had made any effort to hide how little they tolerated the other. From the outside, Mikasa volunteering to help him must've looked strange. It certainly felt it.

Avoiding Eren's eyes, she offered her friends a tiny shrug and bypassed them without a word. Eren's question lingered in her mind as she rushed to catch up.

What _was_ she doing? It wasn't as if forcing her assistance on Levi would absolve her actions, or make her less guilty of them. But perhaps, if she proved to be helpful after all, she could atone a little. As much as she wished that she could go back in time and redo yesterday, she _couldn't_ , and hoping on hopeless things would accomplish nothing. It never did.

She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself. She needed to make up for what she'd done in some tangible way. She needed to make amends.

Helping Levi would be a way to do that, whether he wanted her to or not.

Resolve straightening her spine, Mikasa sped up until she was walking a few paces in front of her self-appointed charge. Whatever expression she was wearing caused those nearby to give them a wider berth, which was fine by her—the less obstacles in their way the better.

"You can't be serious," she heard Levi grumble under his breath.

He had no idea.

 

* * *

 

Eventually, Levi ceased grumbling about her presence. He didn't say a word of complaint when she planted herself at his side the instant the bell signaling the end of fourth period rang. He simply watched with those dark, hooded eyes of his as she slung his bag over her own, handed him his crutches, and paved the way for him to follow.

Levi's gaze was the tingling heat of a sunburn on her neck, but she did her best to ignore it as they travelled through the busy hallways to the cafeteria. It wasn't until they entered the large, bustling room that she faltered, eyes swiveling between her usual table, where Eren and Armin now sat, and the table Levi usually occupied, absent of Isabella, Farlan, and Hange.

She wanted to sit with her friends, but that would be breaking the promise she made to herself, wouldn't it? She couldn't imagine Levi _wanting_ to sit next to Eren, who for some reason he liked to torment, or Armin, who he ignored. Couldn't imagine that either of them wanted to sit next to Levi, either. Sighing inwardly, Mikasa tore her gaze away from her friends and began walking in the opposite direction. The way Levi quirked a brow at her as she dropped their bags onto his table made her want to kick his good leg.

"Give me your lunch ticket and tell me what you want to eat," she ordered as he lowered himself into a seat.

Surprise flashed across his face, but it was short-lived. He eyed her, as if to discern whether or not she was serious. After a moment he fished his wallet out of his pocket and handed her the ticket. Mikasa's eyes lingered briefly on the battered wallet—he really needed a new one; it was coming apart at the seams—before taking it.

"The fillet with cheese," he said as he set his crutches on the floor and scooted closer to the table. "I want the seeded bread if they have it, and whole milk. No carrots or oranges, but anything else is fine."

Mikasa nodded and left to join the line. She returned five minutes later with a tray in each hand, and slid Levi's towards him before she took her own seat and began to eat.

"So what gives?" Levi asked, breaking the silence that stretched between them. "Because I never took you to be the charitable type when it didn't suit you."

Mikasa wasn't offended—it wasn't a lie, after all. She was honest enough with herself to admit that within her was a limited capacity for caring for others, and she was already nearing her limit.

Had she not been the one to personally injure Levi, she definitely wouldn't have bothered to help him like she currently was.

"It's not important," she said, because the truth was no longer an option.

"You don't get to decide that for other people," he shot back.

Mikasa looked up from where she'd been pushing a disfigured meatball around her tray with her spork. "The period's about to end," she said in lieu of answering, then deliberately popped the meatball in her mouth.

Levi's jaw clenched. "You—" he started, then stopped, expression clouding over as he visibly warred with himself. After a moment he scoffed. "Never mind," he said under his breath, and took a vicious bite of his apple. Mikasa almost flinched at the sharp crunching sound the impact of his teeth made.

A part of her wanted to prod at him until he finished whatever he'd been about to say, but she shoved the temptation down. Mikasa was many things, but a hypocrite wasn't one of them.

They finished the rest of the meal in tense silence.

She doubted she was the only one who sighed with relief when the lunch bell finally rang.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa swiftly stepped in front of Levi when a boy rounded the upcoming corner, almost barreling into them in his haste.

"Watch it," she said, voice sharp.

The boy, half a head taller than she was and twice as thick, pulled himself to his full, underwhelming height and looked down his nose at her.

" _You_ watch it," he sneered. His breath smelled foul.

Eyes narrowing, Mikasa stepped forward until there was barely a hand's width of space between them. She said nothing, merely stared until he began to fidget under the weight of it. Satisfaction swelled in her when he looked away first.

"Whatever, bitch," he muttered, shoulder-checking her as he pushed past.

Brushing his germs from her shoulder, Mikasa turned to Levi to make sure he was alright and found him staring at her, normally pale cheeks flushed pink.

"Levi?" she asked, stepping forward in concern. Had he overexerted himself? Was he in pain? Without thinking she raised her hand and placed it over his forehead to check for a fever, but the moment her skin made contact with his he ducked his head and used his crutches to swing back a step.

His voice was gruff when he said, "It's nothing. Let's just go."

Mikasa eyed him, then let it go. The two of them were the last to enter the playground for recess, and she squinted under the onslaught of the bright, late-summer sun. It was not yet autumn, but the earth was already flagging its approach with a gradual decline of warmth. A cool breeze swept past, carrying with it leaf fragments and the lingering scent of old rain, and Mikasa rolled down her sleeves one by one and gave a discreet sniff.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked after a moment, gaze darting briefly to his bandaged foot.

Levi adjusted his crutches and considered it. "The swings."

They both looked across the playground, towards the swing set. It was always the most sought-after section of the playground, and Mikasa had little hope of a there being an empty swing. Which was why she was so surprised when there actually was, and a _corner_ one, at that.

She wasted no time in claiming in, planting herself on the curved, rubber seat as she waited for Levi to catch up, and relinquishing it when he did. She grabbed his crutches and propped them against the nearest support pole, then stood off to the side as Levi used his good leg to kick back and forth, her eyes seeking out the distant playground, looking for—there.

Mikasa caught Eren's gaze and offered a tentative smile that he probably couldn't see from so far away.

Eren's eyes slid past her towards Levi, hesitated, then returned. She watched as he visibly braced himself before stalking in their direction, and couldn't help but perk up; it felt as if she'd barely seen him all day, despite most of their classes being shared.

It had only been a few hours, but she missed him. Him and Armin both.

Eren stopped once he reached the fence that sectioned the swing set off, fingers twining around the wires that made up the diamond-shaped mesh. Smile widening, Mikasa met him there and ruffled his windswept hair.

"Stop it! You're going to make it worse!" he complained, stepping out of arm's reach and raking his fingers through it, as if he genuinely thought he was taming the chaos instead of making It worse.

Mikasa bit back a smirk. "I don't think that's possible, Eren."

"People with naturally perfect hair don't get to talk," he sniped, lowering his arms and crossing them over the top of the fence.

"Sorry."

"At least try to sound like you mean it." He rolled his eyes, then flicked them towards Levi and away again. "Anyway, I didn't come here to banter with you. I wanna know what's going on. Why are you helping Levi, Mikasa? I thought you didn't like him."

"I don't," Mikasa said immediately. A furrow formed between her brows when the words didn't sound as resolute as she'd intended for them to, something that Eren caught as well, given the burgeoning suspicion in his eyes.

He made a disbelieving noise, but to Mikasa's relief, didn't press. "So? You gonna finally tell me why you decided to play gofer for the jerk?"

Mikasa dropped her gaze to the rubber mulch beneath her sneakers, mind working to come up with something to say. She couldn't bring herself to lie to Eren, but at the same time, didn't want to tell him the truth. The thought of him thinking her a coward, or worse, a _bully_ , made her insides twist with discomfort.

 _So this is what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place,_ she thought with an internal grimace.

"Later," she said finally, her eyes not quite meeting his. "I'll tell you when we get home."

Eren made a low, strangled sound, leaned closer to her and whispered, "Mikasa, don't tell me you're being _bullied_ into helping him. Is he blackmailing you with something? Because if he is, I swear to god I'll—"

Mikasa clapped her hand over mouth, but it was too late to stifle the laugh that slipped out of her. Eren reeled back, looking affronted, and she tried to apologize but all that came out was another high-pitched titter.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, clinging to the fence in support. "I didn't mean to laugh at you, but do you really think I'd let _anyone_ bully me into anything? Especially that shorty over there?"

Slowly, Eren's mulish expression gave way to sheepishness. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, smile tugging at one corner of his mouth, "Yeah, okay, that was pretty stupid of me."

Slightly breathless from her struggle not to laugh, Mikasa reached over the fence to ruffle his hair again. This time, he didn't pull away or complain.

"Thanks for looking out for me," she said, fond.

He caught her hand and squeezed. "Dummy. That's what siblings are for."

Tossing her one last, crooked grin, Eren turned and jogged towards the handball court, likely searching for Armin and Jean. Fingers tight over the fence wires, Mikasa watched him go until he vanished behind a wall, and then shut her eyes before any of the tears she could feel gathering behind them actually fell. She drowned out the cacophony of the playground and focused on her breathing until it no longer sounded like it would shake itself apart, reeled back her drifting composure, and when she was confident that her knees wouldn't give out on her, pushed away from the fence and stood straight.

Two years she'd been living with the Jaegers, but this was only the second time Eren had claimed her as a sister. The first time had taken place shortly after the road accident that had stolen her parents from her, when the misery of her loss had abated just enough to allow other emotions to trickle in. The fastest to come had been guilt—for burdening the family who'd always been kind to her with her presence, for making them feel obligated to take her in.

Mikasa could remember how effortlessly she'd striven to pull her own weight, making herself as small and silent and unobtrusive as possible for fear that they'd send her away. She'd done a decent job of it, too, up until she knocked over a family heirloom and sent it shattering to the floor, and all her hopes with it. In her panic she'd fled to the woods behind their house, and Eren had followed, persistence making up for what he failed to match in speed, until her feet snagged on an aerial root and she'd tripped, providing him the opportunity to catch her.

Eren's eyes were like mirrors. She'd thought so the first time they'd met, three years old and hiding behind their parent's legs, but her observation had never before felt so apt as then, him glaring down at her, leaves in his air and red scratches on his face from where twigs had nicked him, breathless and demanding but gentle wherever his hands touched. His eyes were like mirrors, and they pulled from her all her secreted fears until she was a sobbing, quivering mess on the damp ground, and then finally a sobbing, quivering mess in Eren's arms.

" _Stupid,"_ he'd called her, breath unbearably hot against her cold ears, arms like a vice around her. _"My parents love you. You're staying with us because they_ want _you to here. And even if they didn't, d'you think I'd_ let _them send you away? You're already my sister, Mikasa; the adoption papers are just a formality."_

His words had felt like an embrace then, and they still do, now, the warmth of them sheltering her from the increasing chill in the air. She opened her eyes, waited until the world lost its fuzzy edges and sharpened, until her scattered equanimity regrouped, then turned around. The swing beside Levi had become unoccupied while she was speaking with Eren and she claimed it before anyone else could, ignoring Levi's intense gaze on the side of her face.

She kicked off and began to swing, loving the way the wind whipped through her hair. Somehow, the sky appeared brighter than it had five minutes ago.

"I'm surprised your boyfriend didn't decide to stick around," Levi said, tone just short of being neutral.

Mikasa was in too good a mood to dwell on it.

"My _brother_ ; not my boyfriend," she corrected. Saying the words made her chest tingle. "And yesterday Jean made a bet that he could return Eren's corner-kill shot with his eyes closed, so that's probably what he's doing now."

She heard Levi snort, and silently agreed.

Mikasa kicked back and forth until the air produced sound and the world swung like a pendulum and she felt like she could touch the sky if she extended her feet just one inch more. The sky was blue and vast and beautiful, unmarred by clouds, and she thought she could stare at it forever. And yet something made her look down. Towards Levi. Who, from so high up, seemed so very _small_ on his swing, alone and staring at something or nothing, she couldn't tell, as he swung himself as far as he was able to, his good foot never quite leaving the ground.

The memory of Levi cradling a pigeon with a broken wing in the palm of his hands struck her hard enough to render her momentarily breathless, and she found herself drawing back her legs, allowing the swing to come to a natural still. It shouldn't have bothered her, but it did. He didn't _look_ lonely, face contorted in its usual moue of boredom, yet she couldn't shake the impression he'd made when she'd been high in the air. Couldn't shake the way her heart seemed to twist into a knot at the memory of it.

 _What am I doing_ , she thought as she said, "Want me to push you?"

Levi whipped his head towards her, eyes wide until he visibly forced his expression to clear.

"I could think of few things I wanted _less_ ," he scoffed, but Mikasa _heard_ the pause of hesitation before he spoke, as if he'd taken a moment to shove other words out of the way to make room for those words instead.

"It's a good thing I don't make a habit out of doing what you want," she said as she stood and walked behind him.

"Oi, I said—"

"Can't hear you," she lied, and seeing this his injured leg was already raised, pushed him.

Levi cursed as he tightened his grip on the jerking chains, and craned his head to glower at her.

"Let me down," he snapped. It was meant to be menacing, but Mikasa found it difficult to take him seriously with his hair fluttering as it was. She didn't bother to answer—simply pushed him again when he swung back.

On and on it went, until Levi was swinging nearly as high as she'd been. Mikasa didn't stop even when she began to tire, arms straining to push someone who was incapable of making it easy for her by kicking along. Somewhere along the way Levi had stopped shooting her dirty looks and sniping when he came close enough to be heard, and started to stare up at the sky instead, eyes closed and head tilted back, shoulders not as rigid as they'd once been.

Even with her arms aching from exertion, Mikasa regretted a little that the bell signaling the end of recess had to ring. She stepped back and let the laws of physics do their job, until the swing became steady and both of Levi's feet were on the ground. Mikasa moved in front of him. A question of concern hovered on the tip of her tongue, because Levi had yet to move, but the sight that greeted her made them retreat.

He looked calm, face clear of the irritation that usually lined it, his cheeks flushed from what could have been either pleasure or the cold. She was reluctant to believe it could be the former. Levi sighed and slowly opened his eyes, lashes fluttering as they revealed irises that shone silver beneath the sunlight, and Mikasa had to swallow when something solid materialized in the base of her throat.

 _He's pretty_ , she thought, and promptly blanched, wishing she could scrub the words from her brain with bleach.

Levi gripped the chains to help him stand, and Mikasa retrieved his crutches and handed them to him. Silently, they followed the others towards the doors leading into the school.

"I'm not going to thank you," Levi told her just before they reached the doors.

"I never asked you to," she shot back, wondering why she felt so annoyed.

"Good," Levi grunted.

Mikasa kicked a large rock out of his way and repeated, just as tersely, "Yeah, good."

 

* * *

 

The last period of the day was English. Miss Rose shepherded the class to the library, where they were instructed to pick the book they'd be using for their first semester project and write a short passage on why they'd chosen what they had.

Levi had already chosen his, and Mikasa intended to use one of the books she'd read over the summer, so they claimed seats at the end of window table while the other students abandoned their bags and disappeared behind the shelves to browse.

She was rummaging through her bag for a pen when she noticed the book Levi pulled from his own and paused.

"You're reading the _Song of the_ _Lioness_ series?" she asked before she could stop herself.

Levi's eyes jumped from the book in his hands up to her, visibly surprised. "I…yeah."

"Oh." Mikasa was taken aback by his easy admission, mind casting back to the time she tried getting Eren to read it, and how he'd lost interest after only two chapters because it was supposedly a _girly_ book, whatever that meant. Armin enjoyed the series, but then Armin was Armin—he read anything you put in his hands and usually liked it as long as it was entertaining enough, which the _Lioness_ series definitely was.

Mikasa had won the first book in a lottery at the public library during the start of the summer and had quickly fallen in love with the strong, confident heroine who'd decided to pave her own way in the world by whatever means necessary, boldly toeing the line of morality but never quite crossing over and shattering every restriction placed on her due to her status and sex.

Her story was compelling, and Mikasa had finished the book in a handful of hours and then dragged Eren with her to the library the following morning so she could hunt down the rest of the series. She'd managed to find all but the last.

Mikasa knew she could've asked Carla and Grisha to buy it for her. Knew that they would have been happy to do so. But despite how far she'd had come in accepting her place in their family, there was still a part of her, small but immutable, that was reluctant to ask for things she didn't necessarily _need_.

Mikasa flicked her gaze towards the book— _Lioness Rampant_ , the final book in the series, for the first time within her reach—and bit the inside of her cheek. Deliberated, then brought herself to ask.

"Would you mind if I borrowed it? When you're finished reading it, I mean," she tacked on quickly.

It was Levi's turn to look taken aback. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then wordlessly slid the book across the table, towards her.

"You—"

"I've already finished it," he said, "so it's fine."

Mikasa hesitated, then picked up the book. It was still warm from his handling, and she felt something warm and fluttery pulse in the pit of her stomach but couldn't give it a name. She looked down.

"Thank you."

Levi dropped his chin in his palm, eyes trained on the sealed window. "Whatever. Just don't let it get damaged or I'll charge you for it."

Oddly grateful for his normal jerkish response, Mikasa rolled her eyes and gently placed the book in her bag. Her fingers itched to spread it open and start reading it, but she wanted to do it somewhere that wasn't buzzing with hushed conversations and movement.

Speaking of—Mikasa looked up when three boys, perhaps two or three years older than she was, dropped their bags onto the table beside them and pulled out the chairs with so little care that the legs screeched against the tiled floor. They weren't even trying to be quiet. She glanced towards the librarian's desk and found the old man with his nose buried in a book, oblivious to the ruckus being made. Their English teacher was also nowhere in sight, though Mikasa thought she could just make out her voice behind the shelves to her right.

"—but did you _see_ what Paul was wearing?" one of the boys was saying, voice brimming with mirth. "Like, does the guy dumpster dive for clothes or something? I've seen hobos with better clothes!"

That set the trio of boys off, and Mikasa turned away from them with a grimace of distaste. She was about to ask Levi if he wanted to move to a _quieter_ table—perhaps one of the two-seaters in the back—when she caught sight of the tight expression he was wearing and faltered.

After a moment, it _clicked_.

"Dude had so many holes in his shirt he looked like a poster boy for gun violence," another one wheezed, smacking his hand on the table at his own cleverness.

Impermissibly, Mikasa's eyes snagged on the tiny moth holes that flecked Levi's faded, threadbare shirt, but she tore them away before he noticed. To her relief he hadn't—he was too busy staring stonily at his bag, worn and discolored, as if it had been patched one too many times with different colored thread. It struck her that Levi had been wearing that same bag for _years,_ and how could she have not considered the implications of that before?

Levi was angry. Shoulders stiff, jaw clenched, fingers white at the knuckles, he looked like he wanted to take a swing at the three, injured leg or no. But something kept him seated, and it took Mikasa a moment to figure it out, to notice the splotchy red stains on his cheeks and give a name to them. He was embarrassed. Ashamed, even, and Mikasa didn't have words for how _wrong_ that was. It fit him like an ugly, ill-fitted shirt, and Mikasa burned with the desire to tear it off him and rip it to shreds.

Levi was a foul-mouthed and fouler-tempered _jerk_. He liked to tease Eren and pretend Armin didn't exist, and he treated her like her very existence was an affront.

But if anyone had wanted to bring him down a couple of well-deserved pegs, it should've be for _that._ Not because he didn't have as much money as other people. It was _stupid_. _They_ were stupid.

And Levi was stupid for letting such stupid people get to him.

"It's like, you want to feel bad for him, but at the same time it's just too damn funny," the boy who'd first spoken said through a laugh.

"Right?"

"Man, but being poor has to _suck_."

And just like that, Mikasa's thinly-stretched temper snapped.

"Not as much as being stupid does, I'm sure," she said, voice so cold her mouth burned to speak them.

"What was that?" The boys were watching her now.

"I mean, at least being poor isn't permanent. Unlike being stupid, which, much like the inheritance of unfortunate genetics, can't be changed. You three should know something about _that_."

They gawked at her. The tallest of the three was the first to pull himself together. He shot up from his chair and sneered down at her, face flushed an unfortunate shade of red. "Who the hell do you—"

"Okay, everyone!" Miss Rose's bright voice cut him off. The woman emerged from the stacks and clapped her hands, drawing everyone's attention. Mikasa didn't so much as glance her way. "The period's just about over so those who've yet to check their books out should do so immediately. Everyone else, gather to the front. And keep the noise level _down,_ please. This _is_ a library."

"Let's go, Mikasa," Levi said brusquely, rising to his feet.

Mikasa did the same, though her eyes remained narrowed on the three.

"Mikasa! Levi! Come on, you're holding everyone else up!" Miss Rose called, evidently forgetting her own instructions to keep quiet.

"C'mon, James, she's just a stupid kid," said the shortest of them, tugging on his posturing friend's arm. "Let's sneak out now while the librarian's attention is elsewhere. You know she'll catch a bitch fit if she realizes we're here."

 _James_ curled his lip and didn't budge, but his friend's insistent grip on his arm made him eventually back down. He snorted and turned his back on Mikasa, dismissing her completely, and she had only a split-second to consider kicking the back of his knees out before Levi tapped the side of her leg with his crutch and said more insistently, _"Let's go."_

Lips thin, Mikasa shouldered her bag, snatched Levi's away from him and slung it over hers, and stalked down the aisle towards the library doors, where Miss Rose was tapping her foot.

"About time, you two," she said impatiently, then proceeded to herd everyone out of the library and towards their homeroom. They reached it just as the bell rang. After everyone else had filed inside, Mikasa stepped aside to let Levi through.

He paused just over the threshold, and so quietly Mikasa almost missed it, said, "Thank you."

Mikasa stared after him, somehow certain that he wasn't thanking her for holding the door open.

The last vestiges of her irritation evaporated, replaced by the fluttering sensation from earlier. Mikasa sank into her seat, more exhausted than she could remember being in years.

At the front of the room Mr. Hannes discussed the upcoming dance, but Mikasa heard none of it despite her attempts to pay attention. It was as if the bars encaging her mind had vanished **,** making it impossible to keep her restless thoughts from wandering. Three times she'd found herself staring in Levi's direction without having realized she was doing so, and each time had to hastily jerk her eyes away after being caught.

Mikasa was too overwhelmed to realize the implications of that.

The last fifteen minutes of the day were the longest of her life, ticking by at a speed snails wouldn't envy. Mikasa shot up from her chair the instant the bell rang, belongings already gathered, and made a beeline for the door. She'd already relayed to Eren that she needed to use the restroom before they left, so that's where she went. Her bladder wasn't currently a pressing concern, but maybe if she splashed her face with cold water and gave her reflection a good, hard look, she'd be able to do something about her inner turmoil. Or better yet, figure out what had brought it on in the first place.

Mikasa was halfway down the hall when a voice she wasn't expecting to hear called her name. She stopped in her tracks. Hesitated, then turned, scanning the crowded hall for the source of the voice. She only managed to pinpoint him at all because the other students were giving him and his crutches a wide berth; otherwise, with his height he would have been swallowed by the crowd.

Levi slowly made his way towards her, careful not to let anyone bump into him. Despite his cautiousness someone almost did, and heart in her throat, Mikasa took an instinctive step forward, prepared to rush to him if needed. It wasn't. Levi managed to evade the collision, and Mikasa breathed a sigh of relief, then paused, wondering why she cared so much.

 _You're the one who injured him,_ a voice in the back of her head reminded her. _Just because the school day is over doesn't mean you get a pass on taking responsibility._

Mikasa told the voice to go drown itself.

"What do you want?" she asked when he was close enough.

"To talk," Levi said, hobbling past her without so much as glancing in her direction.

She glared at his back, but grudgingly followed.

"Where are we going?"

"The courtyard."

"Why?"

"Because it's private."

Mikasa ignored his tone and wondered what he had to tell her that necessitated such privacy. She found herself following after him with slightly less reluctance.

They turned down another hall, and then another, until they reached a set of tall, metal doors. Levi kept an eye out for incoming teachers as Mikasa pressed down on the crash bar and pushed at one door. It opened with a groan. Once Levi was inside, she slipped through the crack and closed it as quietly as she was able to, craning her head to cast her gaze out over the area. They were alone.

"Well?" she prompted when Levi made no indication of talking. "What did you want to tell me?

In the shadow of the building, Levi's eyes were almost black. He shifted, adjusting one crutch so that he was leaning more firmly onto it, and regarded her with an intensity that made her feel like she was being seen through, past her clothes and skin to what lied beneath.

She nearly sighed with relief when he finally spoke.

"Why did you follow me around today?"

Mikasa's eyes slid away from him, settling on a distant tree. Its leaves, polychrome and browning at the edges, were being ruffled and tugged by the gentle wind.

"No reason," Mikasa said, crossing her arms. Her guilt sat like a stone in her gut.

"Is that so?" Levi said, clearly not believing her.

For a moment, trepidation and guilt warred for dominance within her. Mikasa feared that Levi _knew_ what she'd done, and had to remind herself that there was no way he could. Levi was the furthest thing from subtle, and had he so much as suspected that his injury was the result of foul play, and caused by Mikasa no less, he definitely would have retaliated by now.

"It is," Mikasa said, forcing herself to look him in the eye.

The contact held a long time. Just when Mikasa felt like she was going to break and confess all her secrets, relevant or not, Levi made an irritated noise and turned away.

"Was that all?" she asked, voice fraying at the edges, as Levi pushed the door open and hopped through.

"Yeah," he said as he walked away. "That's all."

His words should have reassured her.

They didn't.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa couldn't sleep. She laid curled on her side on her bed, facing the window and the night that loomed just outside it. She wasn't sure how long she'd been laying in that position, only that she witnessed the gradual emergence of dusk with her own eyes, sky turning dark as the sun disappeared and stole all light with it, and her window became a canvas painted black.

She was tired. Exhausted, really, but the noise in her head refused to die down and let her sleep, growing louder the second she closed her eyes. So she stopped trying, choosing instead to make out shapes from the shadows that lingered outside the window and within her room. Anything to keep her out of her own head.

Mikasa was pretty sure the reason for her restlessness was a guilty conscious. It had been prodding at her all day, mild at first, and then more firmly after her discussion—if it could even be called that—with Levi in the courtyard. After she'd confessed everything to Eren when they got home, like she promised she would, the prodding became an insistent, aching jab she could no longer ignore.

Her legs got tangled in the blankets as she rolled onto her back. She kicked them free and thought of the way Eren had looked at her, not disappointed but not exactly proud, either. Understanding, but not dismissive of the fact that she'd messed up. Hand on her shoulder, he'd told her exactly what she knew he would. What she'd known herself all along.

Mikasa needed to come clean and apologize properly. Not just because it would gnaw at her otherwise, but because Levi deserved at least that much, and his forgiveness wasn't something she could claim without his consent besides.

Sometimes Eren had a real talent for getting to the heart of things.

The bedsprings squeaked as she forcefully rolled onto her stomach, sticking her arms beneath her pillow and burrowing her face into it. It was soft and still smelled of detergent, the floral one that Carla used for Mikasa's sheets alone because it was the one her late mother had used, and Mikasa felt tears gathering at the corners of her eyes when she thought about what her biological _and_ adoptive mother would say if they knew what she had done. Worse, knew that she hadn't even apologized for it—was still thinking up reasons why it would be better _not to_ whenever her thoughts veered too deeply in the opposite direction.

There were several, some more sensible than others, but what it really came down to was this: she didn't want Levi to hate her.

Mikasa squeezed her pillow. It was stupid. So, so stupid. What did she care if Levi grew to hate her for it? It wasn't as if she'd lose anything—she didn't like him anyway, and they were hardly friends. And yet the thought of him being angry with her made her mind physically recoil when she tried to imagine it.

Over and over her mind kept replaying memories from the day: of the way he'd looked at her when she'd snapped at that upperclassman for ramming into him; of the expression he'd worn when she was pushing him on the swing; of the way his eyes had lost some of its coldness when she asked to borrow his book, and how effortlessly he'd offered it to her; of how upset he'd been by what those boys in the library had been saying, and his quiet, genuine thanks after; of the intent in his eyes when he'd asked her _why,_ and how his face had shuttered when she'd lied.

All of it looped in her head like a series of clips on permanent repeat, and Mikasa wanted to bang her head on the wall to make it stop. Would have, if she thought it would work.

What was _wrong_ with her?

She muffled a groan with her pillow and kicked her legs.

It was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

"Is this going to become a habit?" Connie asked Mikasa the following morning. He was sitting on Sasha's desk, kicking his legs back and forth, and looking at Mikasa like she was a never-before-seen species of animal. "You looking like death warmed over, I mean, because if it is Jean might actually break down and cry and—"

Eren launched himself at Connie, rubbing his fist into the boy's shaved head until he started to flail, and Mikasa didn't think she'd ever loved her brother so much.

Exhausted from two nights of minimal, fitful sleep, Mikasa dropped into her seat like a stone and buried her face in her arms. It was only eight in the morning and she was already done with the day. Maybe she should have accepted Carla's suggestion to stay home and sleep. She almost had, until her grogginess let up enough that she remembered _why_ she looked so terrible, and found that she couldn't bring herself to accept after that. She didn't deserve it.

Mikasa tried telling herself that she wasn't keeping one ear out for a certain frustrating someone, but eventually gave up the cause. She was aware of Levi the second he entered the room, ears honing in on the soft thumping of his crutches hitting the floor, the way they creaked when he put his full weight on them. Hange and Isabel's earsplitting exclamation of his name as they clamored for the door only confirmed what she'd already known.

As if Levi were a magnet that drew her eyes, she found herself staring after him, cheek resting in the crook of her arm as she watched him make his way across the room, flanked by his chattering friends. She watched as he lowered himself into his seat, bending to tuck his crutches on the floor at his feet, parallel to the desk. Watched as he rummaged through his bag while whatever it was Farlan was saying to him made him scoff and roll his eyes. Watched as his mouth tugged into a grin when Isabela smacked Farlan over the head with a rolled-up magazine and he began to choke on his own spit.

 _He's fine now,_ Mikasa thought, forcing herself to look away. She drummed her fingers against the desk, then curled them into her palm, hard enough that crescent-shaped imprints formed on her skin. _His friends are back, so of course he would be._

And then:

_He never smiled like that when he was with me._

Mikasa banished the thought the instant it made itself known, then berated herself. Of course Levi hadn't smiled when he was with her. They might've established that they could stand next to each other without biting the other's head off, but that hardly made them _friends._ Though it pained her to admit, she and Levi were alike in that way—they both tended to close themselves off around people they weren't close to, and she couldn't fault him for that, not without being a hypocrite.

An irrational one, at that, because it shouldn't have bothered her to begin with.

And yet a small part of her _was_ bothered by it. And it got worse when she realized that Levi never _would_ smile around her, smile _because_ of her, because of what she had done.

She was going crazy. That was the only explanation for the abnormal shapes her thoughts were taking, for the alien emotions that were stirring inside of her, and for the fact that she was pushing up from her seat and stalking towards the last person she wanted to be in close proximity with just then. Perhaps she'd eaten something foul, or she'd hit her head without realizing it. Or maybe she'd always been crazy and was only beginning to notice it now. Must be, for why else would she have approached Levi and asked him if she could talk with him outside?

She was definitely crazy.

Mikasa ignored the stares of his friends. Had to, because it was taking everything she had to meet Levi's eyes and not flinch away. She wasn't sure whether it was relief or dread that filled her at his acquiescing nod, or if the two had combined and created an emotion that was entirely new, just for her. Either way, it squirmed inside of her as she left the classroom, Levi silent at her heels.

Eren caught her gaze just before she reached the doorway and gave her an encouraging nod, and she stepped into the hallway feeling slightly less sick than she'd been seconds ago.

"Well?" Levi asked, swinging himself backwards until he was leaning against the wall. "What did you want to—"

"I'm the one who tripped you," Mikasa blurted, feeling as if every pent-up emotion inside her was clawing its way past her throat. "You said something mean to Eren and I got mad and tripped you. I didn't _mean_ for you to get hurt. I just wanted to embarrass you.

"I'm sorry, Levi," she whispered, lowering her head when she was no longer able to meet his inscrutable gaze. Her hands, balled into fists at her sides, trembled. "You probably don't believe me, but I really am."

The silence that lingered in the aftermath of her confession was so heavy her shoulders would've slumped under the weight of it had her body not been petrified still. Her heartbeat was loud as it beat against her ribcage, drowning out almost everything else. Mikasa gave herself approximately thirty-seconds before the roiling in her gut rose to a peak and she'd throw up. She hoped Levi would be long gone by then.

When Levi finally spoke, she gave a full-body twitch.

"Farlan owes me twenty bucks."

Mikasa tried to translate his comment into something that made _sense,_ but found she couldn't. Hesitantly, she looked up. "What?"

She couldn't decipher the look he was giving her, was feeling too raw to even make an attempt, but he wasn't angry. That much was clear. Mikasa knew what anger on Levi looked like, knew what it _felt_ like, and this wasn't it. Slowly, the sickening turning of her stomach began to subside.

"He bet me twenty bucks that you'd never admit to it," Levi said, tone so casual Mikasa found it physically jarring. "The idiot. I never make bets I won't win."

Mikasa voiced her realization. "You knew."

He snorted. "Of course I did. I know darn well what being tripped feels like, and even if I _hadn't_ seen you do it, you're the only one in the class who'd _dare._ "

Somehow, Mikasa couldn't shake the feeling that she was being complimented.

"Then why…" she trailed off, momentarily losing courage before forcing herself continue, "why didn't you tell the teacher?"

Something flickered in Levi's eyes, and it made her lungs constrict in the fleeting seconds it existed. Heat stole into her cheeks at the way he was looking at her, even though she wasn't exactly sure what it meant. All she knew was that it made her insides unbearably warm, and that Levi looked more imposing when he was doing it.

"I," he drawled, cocking his head in a way that conjured images of eagles in Mikasa's mind, "don't think I'll tell you."

Mikasa blinked. "What? You can't just—"

"I just did," he said, cocky as ever.

"You're such a jerk," she snapped, feeling welcomingly familiar Levi-induced frustration beginning to surge. How could she have allowed herself to forget just how _annoying_ the jerk could be?

Levi _tsked_ at her, a miniscule smirk playing at the corners of his mouth that Mikasa itched to punch. "Is that something you'd say to the guy you're trying to beg forgiveness from?"

"Who's begging?" she snapped, freezing once the words registered.

To her astonishment, Levi actually _laughed_. It was soft, barely more than an exhalation of breath and not what anyone sane would call _charming_ , but it was a laugh all the same, and it was for _her._

The fluttering sensation in her chest resurfaced, and Mikasa promptly banned the word _butterflies_ from her mind.

"So you don't want my forgiveness then?" he checked, completely straight-faced.

 _You can keep it,_ Mikasa thought, and had to bite her lip to keep from voicing it.

Levi appeared to have some inkling of the thoughts crossing her mind because his eyes were definitely laughing at her.

"I suppose you can have it," he said without waiting for -a response, " _if_ you continue doing what you did yesterday."

Mikasa thought she should start worrying about the damage being done to her brain as a consequence of constant whiplash.

"You want me to continue being your lackey," she said flatly, folding her arms.

"Bodyguard," Levi corrected tersely, and she faltered at his choice of term.

"But your friends are back." Mikasa couldn't see how she'd be needed, considering.

Levi's eyes slid to the side. Irritably, he said, "What's that got to do with anything?" He shifted, and his crutches made another creaking sound as he put more weight on them. "So? Are we in agreement or not?"

Mikasa tilted her head, considered it. Helping him hadn't exactly been a hardship, and being his lackey—regardless what Levi was choosing to call it—for the duration of his time on crutches was nothing less than what she deserved, but…

"So you won't forgive me if I say I don't agree?" she asked carefully.

His jaw ticked, and with a huff he began to move towards the classroom door. "I never said that."

Mikasa stared after him, stunned, her mind working to unravel the meaning behind his words. Slowly, she began to smile.

She moved past him and pushed open the door, holding it open for him.

"I guess I can tolerate your presence for another week," she said as he passed.

He glanced at her, then away. "I'm not so sure I can say the same," he griped, but Mikasa wasn't buying it for a second. After all, _he'd_ been the one to suggest that particular condition. He could have asked for anything else, but instead, he'd chosen to have her around.

Mikasa wasn't ready to look to closely at that. Not just yet.

She nodded subtly at Eren as she made her way to her seat, feeling more awake than she could claim in days. Her heart was beating with slightly more force than was normal, but she refused to dwell on it.

"You're blushing, Mikasa," Eren said, arm propped on his chair as he twisted to peer at her.

Mikasa whacked him in the face with her notebook, then turned away when he began to complain.

She unintentionally locked gazes with Levi.

"Definitely blushing. Who are you looking at? I hope to god it's not Jean—ow, Mikasa! Stop it!"

To her relief, Mr. Hannes walked into the room just as the bell rang and ordered the class to settle down. Eren shot her a disgruntled look before turning to focus his attention on him. Mikasa tried to do the same, but her concentration was shot, pieces of it scattered everywhere. She glanced at the clock and inwardly sighed. Six more hours to go.

 _At least_ , she thought, dropping her chin in her palm and staring blankly up at the board _, I might have something to look forward to._

She willed herself not to look to her left, and with another forlorn sigh, picked up her pen and began to copy what Mr. Hannes was scribbling on the board.

She couldn't wait for homeroom to end, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the task Levi had given her.

Nothing at all.

 

**_Finis_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I hope that turned out alright. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, everyone. Comments and/or con-crit are super-duper appreciated, as always!


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